Alien Invasion...?

Wombat moaned with pleasure "...mmmmm.. mm.. .. mmmmmmm...." Nothing like a long hot shower to get the fur glistening again (and ensure there were no ants hiding there..) He had heard somewhere that you could think yourself thin. He concentrated all his mental capacities (such as they were) onto an image of himself as a wombat hunk. Thirty seconds later... nothing. No result! He still couldn't see his feet when he looked down. So much for that thirty seconds -which he would never get back again!! He finally turned the water off, got out of the shower, shook himself wildly and sprayed on some Eucalyptus scent. Lady wombats love the smell apparently - it said so on the bottle so it must be true. It reminded Wombat of an old farm joke.... "What did the sheep say to the shearer?" Answer: "Eucalyptus!! (You clipped us)" Ahhhh hahahahaha.. yeah... well.. OK then.... It used to be funny.

Wombat lumbered down the stairs, humming quietly to himself, and decided to go check the letterbox. For some strange reason he had forgotten to check the mail the other day, so there must be something there by now. Walking to the front door Wombat noticed a strange object hanging from the window frame. At first he felt the familiar terror rising through his body like a deadly disease..... , but then he realised that it was too big to be an ant and his fear magically dissipated.

Wombat went outside to get a closer look. It was a strange dangly thing moving gently with the breeze. Wombat sniffed it. Seemed to be made out of twigs and leaves (almost good enough for a wombat to eat), but it had an 'other worldly' look and smell about it. Wombat padded inside, grabbed his camera and went back to take a photo of what must obviously be the beginning of an alien invasion. Didn't worry him. Aliens don't eat wombats..... do they?

Cabbage...

Wombat was scrounging for food - as he usually did - when he remembered the only joke he could remember...
A man was walking along the road with a long leash in his hand. At the other end of the leash, tied on securely, was a cabbage. The man walked along, humming quietly to himself, oblivious to the stares he was attracting. Finally another man came up to him and said .."er.. excuse me... why are you taking a cabbage for a walk?" The man looked at his leash, saw the cabbage and slapped himself on the forehead. "Cabbage!!! The guy at the pet store told me it was a Collie!!!!!... (cauliflower)
Aaahhhhhhh hahahahahaha!! Wombat cracks himself up. Then he remembered, no one usually thinks that joke is funny. Funny about that! Oh well..